I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Be still, my beating vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
