Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
