I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
