Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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