I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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