did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
