just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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