What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
