my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
