ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
