fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
