I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
