Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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