My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
