U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
