i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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