Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
