I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
