I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
