The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
