I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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