Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You took a bar mat shot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
