shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
