too bad you live with your parents still
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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