i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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