You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
