1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
