I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
