It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
