I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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