just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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