is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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