K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
