no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
