That's intense
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
