I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
