So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
