I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
