That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
