DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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