I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
