I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
