Just mADE A PArabola og urine
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Panties = found
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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