what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
