I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
