He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
