Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Too much gin, very little bucket
this boner is exhausting
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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