ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
