I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
