I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
