You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
