Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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