You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
