Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
