how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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