I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
